Do horny people find it harder to FIRE?

 

As younger Millenials and Gen Z begin their journeys towards financial independence, it becomes very useful and instructive to examine their own personal approaches to early retirement. And recently, one can't actually ignore the new rising star among our ranks as Ashish Kumar drove even the thought leaders here to refer to their dictionaries with a new word, "aroace".

Aroace stands for someone who is aromantic and asexual. If you are aroace, you experience very little romantic or sexual attraction towards other people. This is a novel concept because we know that most FIRE thought leaders here are single, with me being a rare exception with my wife and kids. So, it's not really arguable that being single makes it easier to make extreme financial decisions and engage in personal austerity programs, but being aroace takes singlehood to a whole new level because it may have to act at a fundamental biological level - you leverage your lack of horniness to attain earlier financial independence. 

The question for me is - Is it even ok for the FIRE movement to have its own sexual orientation?

I'm old-fashioned - for me, financial independence is a tool for family formation. I will earn passive income to better support my family in the future, and I expect my own kids to carry this forward. FI is a means to an end. It's not an end in itself. But I can accept that younger generations that have grown more individualistic would not consider family formation a life goal - I don't think any amount of cost-benefit analysis would justify getting hitched, and it's worse for young women. 

In previous articles, I've stated that family formation in Singapore can be lucrative if you scale the BTO/EC ladder and take advantage of economies of scale. Still, in essence, this works well only for assortatively mated couples, such as folks in the top universities who date and ultimately marry each other. 

If you run out of arguments, you have to hit the books, which is why I leveraged the book Red Flags, Green Flags by Dr Ali Fenwick, which has a fairly nice section on dating. 

The book does not discuss money much, but it highlights some issues with his decision to stay single. Singlehood works as a short-term strategy because you have the freedom to work on yourself, but studies on loneliness make it a bad idea over the long term. From my vantage point, I observe that singles are quite happy tight up to their 50s, then bitterness sets in, and they stop making new friends or lose the ones they already have. Many single folks don't have a real strategy for loneliness as they can't account for their personality changes over time. 

I was clear why I was single until my early thirties—I wanted enough passive income to live on and support my family. You need to know what you are working on. Maybe you are prioritizing your career, on a healing journey, or just trying to figure out your preferences.

The decision to stay single can also be a serious red flag. 

If you have stayed single for too long, becoming too stuck in your ways is straightforward. You also need to gain the skills and the willingness to handle relationship conflicts, such as my wife not liking my three straight days playing Baldur's Gate 3.  

The book offers a straightforward solution: When you run out of excuses (but being aroace is a valid reason to skip the marriage market) for being single, you should start dating casually to learn some social skills and about yourself. 

The consequence can be found in a recent CNA documentary. 

One fine day, your neighbours will complain about the smell coming from your flat, and folks will be called in to clean up your dead body.