Sunday, July 21, 2019

The inevitable rise of the Second Fiddle Husband.

Image result for microtrends squared

In a better age, our daughters should be looking for Second Fiddle Husbands.

If you examine the 2017 data on local universities, out of 16,160 university graguates, 8,338 are female. There is an excess of 516 female graduates. If you look at similar statistics for ITE, you will find 3,242 of excess male ITE graduates over females.

In every society, women are conquering higher education and the knowledge based workforce. The logical conclusion of this sustained imbalance is that at the upper end of the education spectrum, there will not be enough men to go by with the excess of males graduates being a consistent feature of vocational education institutions.

What does this mean to society?

In the book Microtrends Squared by Mark Penn, women of the West are now prepared to marry Second Fiddle Husbands. Instead of marrying a man for his economic resources and power, women may have to undergo a change to their mindset and go for a men for his willingness to raise a child and play second fiddle while she brings home the bacon from work. In Asian societies, this is going to be really hard unless some limited form of polygamy gets reintroduced to restore population growth.

According to the book, the best way for this to occur is for the couple to agree to this arrangement prior to marriage and there is actually evidence that such marriages are happy ones.

What is not good is for men is to become Second Fiddle husbands involuntarily. For example, a lot of guys in Singapore become engineers and start out with decent salaries and they assume roles of financially responsible husbands. But over the years, as some men may lack communication skills, political savvy, or may face outsourcing, often these men eventually end up earning less than their wives who may become teachers and accountants and, through no fault of their own, end up becoming Second Fiddle within the family.

The damage to the family and marriage is long ranging. These Gen-X men end up harbouring a lot of resentment within the marriage because the narrative amongst my generation of men is that it is dishonourable to "eat soft rice". Involuntary second fiddle husbands have a higher rate of committing adultery. This may be one of the effects of losing power and respect at home.

Men are losing power in all societies.

So there might be a solution to all this beyond raising our raising our daughters to be able to accept husbands who earn less than they do.  Even as I say this, as an old school patriarch dad, I might have issues seeing my daughter date some useless Manic Dream Pixie boyfriend who adopts the Hakuna Matata philosophy even tough he might be the only choice morsel left in the dating market for the women of the future.

I would also encourage my son to double up on picking up difficult and rare skills and manage his money better because at the top of the income pyramid, the fight for the right kind of successful men will really heat up in the future. With a trust fund, an advanced degree, and a willingness to text back in the middle of playing a computer game, there will be endless hordes of beautiful women to enable me to live vicariously through my son's life.

But in the face of these changes in society, men really do not need to care about what's happening to them over the long term.As men drop out of the academic ladder, they are getting more better choices to support their bachelor lives. Better consoles, streaming, and the rise of AI powered sex-dolls await them.

Unlike our daughters of a better age, sex dolls function 24x7.

They will also not judge these men for the lack of achievement in their lives.


  1. Hi Chris,

    This is the way in which the society reacts to the demographic patterns. The main concerns is whether one is willing to drop his pride for being the second fiddle husband. Some may and some may not.

    Such circumstances will be easier for FIRE personnels who usually put the pride aside. It may not be applicable for BBFAs (FIRE) personnels.

    My two cents worth of views.


  2. Does not address the fundamental question.

    IMO and IME chasing women, ie attracting them physically, mentally and pecuniarily is nowadays a unnecessary waste of a man's resources.

    Having a wife at home, bringing up kids, paying for the home and vehicle; whilst slaving away at the grindwheel is crazy. Just ask yourself why you are putting yourself through all that for the next forty years?

    Mostly it seems that you are doing it for parents, grandparents and because "it is what we do".

    I have known friends who even discussed this with their wives, and wanted to be the "stay at home dad" whilst mum trots off to work. That didn't work. "Working Mum" changed her tune immediately the baby arrived, and simply resigned from work.

    That led to unhappiness and divorce.

    "Second Fiddle Husband"??? Nah, just don't be a husband.

  3. Hi,

    The above mentioned circumstances all hinges on the need to seek to agree with the arrangment, You are right to point the meaning behind slaving away at the grindwheel. Is it for human reproduction? I am not sure. I believe that this is solely on the norms which are followed by the predecessor. The successors deem it as right to follow the route by the predecessors. This is entirely considered as a moot as per my perspective.

    What is the meaning of life? My take is that one lives his/her life on his/her terms and preference. Most may disagree with my analogy. It does not matter as everyone is entitled to the way in which he/she wants to prefer. This is no right or wrong decisions. As long as one is happy with his/her decision, it is perfectly all right.


  4. But why are men not making it to university? Why are men losing out in this knowledge based economy?

    1. Classroom based learning favours female genetic makeup

  5. Hi,

    My take is that it is up to the men's academic ability and other factors on whether to make it in university. University is one factor. Though it is likely to be the major factor in determining whether one has the headstart in the corporate world, I believe that one will have to make the decision accordingly in the corporate world and starting the family. The circumstance and outcome are some factors. However, one has the choice to make the decision accordingly. It's the matter of making the best possible decision presented by the prevailing circumstance.


  6. Keep the conversation going.

    I think for now, we can safely say that folks would rather stay single.

    I know a friend who is a contract worker and has a polytechnic diploma. An RGS alumni who is another acquaintance kept hitting on him. He ignored her advances because she was not good looking enough for him.

    Today, both are still single.

    This is one data point in this complicated reality that we live in.

  7. The conclusion of the above article does not reflect the title.

    "and a willingness to text back in the middle of playing a computer game"

    It requires way more than the odd text message to initiate and maintain a relationship.

    But I think this pins it

    "men really do not need to care about what's happening to them over the long term.As men drop out of the academic ladder, they are getting more better choices to support their bachelor lives. Better consoles, streaming, and the rise of AI powered sex-dolls await them.

    Unlike our daughters of a better age, sex dolls function 24x7."

    Relationships are terribly messy and complicated affairs, and often expensive. And it only gets worse once babies are around, particularly the expense bit.

    Computer games and playing diverse and addictive fantasy roles, which can be paused, changed, restarted, deleted and ignored, have many perceived advantages over the roles of boyfriend, husband and father.

    All of which are long time roles with real responsibilities that have no "Exit" button.

    I reckon we are heading towards the inevitable demise of the family unit and the rise of the singles.

    Note that for males there is absolutely no problem in putting off having babies. Men are potent in their 70's. No hurry, let's get the latest game.

    Women have a much bigger issue, as the optimum age physically to have a baby is in the late teens and early 20's. Realisitically after the age of 35 the number of issues rises rapidly. their clock is ticking fast.